Shall I go to this shindig?

[ethel]

I have acquired two tickets to the opening of an art exhibition tomorrow night. I got them for nothing, so it's no great loss if I don't use them, and I'm tossing up whether to go or not. If I do, it'll be alone because as usual I couldn't find anyone else to be my plus-one.

On the upside, it gets me out of the house for an evening, there are going to be some interesting people there, and I'm interested in this sort of thing. On the downside, well, you know the downsides of being a solo Aspie at an unstructured chit-chat based social event.

So, as I see it my options are...

1. Stay home.

2. Go wearing my work persona. Take my work gear and a stack of business cards, and talk to people with the express intention of getting a story out of them. I have middling success with this technique - I have gone to events and come back with reams of material, but have gone to others and come back with nothing at all. But whether it's a successful story-gathering expedition or not, it isn't really *socialising*. It's *working*. I've found once I've established an interviewer/talent relationship with someone, it's impossible to change that to a friend/friend relationship.

3. Go as myself, and try not to feel like a failure when I leave after twenty minutes having not spoken to a soul.

[marcia]

See if you can wangle a free flight from Scotland and I'll come too! Will there be wine?

I know how you feel though and I'd be swithering as well. Having said that I think you should go for it, and not as a work thing, go as yourself. As it's an exhibition there is at least a focus and you can stand and admire the pictures on your own and if you get into conversation with anyone you have something tangible right there in front of you to talk about.

As you're interested in the event itself and the people who're going to be there then there must logically be more to it that inconsequential chitchat...by that I mean, it's not like a wedding or other kind of purely social shindig where you have little or nothing in common with the other people there.

Don't know if that helps. Even if you do come home early, so what? You'll have been to something you enjoy.

[UrsusMaximus]

I'd go with #2.

#1 just leaves you at home and #3 is sort of like going naked. If it were me, I would regret #1 and #3 would just be an invitation to anxiety. #2 seems like a likely winner.

[hyke]

I agree with Max here. That's the way you feel comfortable. So talking will be easier, even if you end up in an unexpected topic, like the wheather.

[K]

I would probably go as your work persona or not go at all. It sounds like the work persona thing is a really good workaround for the stress that comes from that sort of event.

[TiggerTheWing]

I quite like my alter ego the 'Work Persona'. Unfortunately she tends to vanish when I'm sick.

If yours is up to socialising, I'd definitely take her along, and then gradually let her slip into the background if you find yourself enjoying the company.

Don't go with any expectation of anything other than seeing new art and meeting other art-lovers. Of course, you might find that all the other invitees are also media types and/or pretentious twats; going with the hope of meeting someone who'll become a friend is setting yourself up for failure. Expecting instead merely to see at least one piece of art that speaks to you is probably setting yourself up for a successful evening.

1. A successful evening's socialising is one where you end up slightly less miserable than you would have been had you stayed at home; anything else is a bonus.

2. Don't make your expected enjoyment of an outing dependent on bonuses.

The former sets you up for successes, the latter for failure. The more successes you have, the better you feel about yourself and the better you feel about yourself the better other people will view you.

[micgrace]

Aug 6, 2008 4:39:15 GMT -5 @ethel said:

I have acquired two tickets to the opening of an art exhibition tomorrow night. I got them for nothing, so it's no great loss if I don't use them, and I'm tossing up whether to go or not. If I do, it'll be alone because as usual I couldn't find anyone else to be my plus-one.

On the upside, it gets me out of the house for an evening, there are going to be some interesting people there, and I'm interested in this sort of thing. On the downside, well, you know the downsides of being a solo Aspie at an unstructured chit-chat based social event.

So, as I see it my options are...

1. Stay home.

2. Go wearing my work persona. Take my work gear and a stack of business cards, and talk to people with the express intention of getting a story out of them. I have middling success with this technique - I have gone to events and come back with reams of material, but have gone to others and come back with nothing at all. But whether it's a successful story-gathering expedition or not, it isn't really *socialising*. It's *working*. I've found once I've established an interviewer/talent relationship with someone, it's impossible to change that to a friend/friend relationship.

3. Go as myself, and try not to feel like a failure when I leave after twenty minutes having not spoken to a soul.

Go to the Art shindig. I bet if you have an interest in art someone else there will. And they are probably the same. Just say something intelligent about the pics to someone else looking at it. Good starting point, have something in common.

One could almost bet you won't be alone with aspies. But work gear, I don't think so. Probably an excellent social occassion for an aspie who might actually be appreciated on his / her knowledge for once (I am beginning to learn this via association at uni myself)

Have a go, who knows?

[ethel]

Well, I went.

I took my work gear, but left it in the car. Just as well, because I didn't end up talking to anyone anyway.

Mic, I can't pull intelligent, witty comments out of the air. I've lost track of how often I've said this already but just because I have Aspergers doesn't mean I'm clever!!!!!!!!!!!!! And just because I am interested in something doesn't mean I'm good at it or have anything remotely interesting to say about it. And since everyone else there was in pairs or groups and were already talking to each other, there was no opportunity even if I would have had anything to say.

[K]

Aug 7, 2008 15:40:39 GMT -5 @ethel said:

Well, I went.

I took my work gear, but left it in the car. Just as well, because I didn't end up talking to anyone anyway.

So does that mean it was bad?

[rossco]

Aug 7, 2008 15:40:39 GMT -5 @ethel said:

Well, I went.

I took my work gear, but left it in the car. Just as well, because I didn't end up talking to anyone anyway.

Mic, I can't pull intelligent, witty comments out of the air. I've lost track of how often I've said this already but just because I have Aspergers doesn't mean I'm clever!!!!!!!!!!!!! And just because I am interested in something doesn't mean I'm good at it or have anything remotely interesting to say about it. And since everyone else there was in pairs or groups and were already talking to each other, there was no opportunity even if I would have had anything to say.

***Hugs***

How often have I been in the land of the socially awkward?

[ethel]

It wasn't *bad*, it just wasn't a successful outing from either a work point of view, or a talking-to-people point of view.

I'm sorry. I'm grumpy and over-reacting. Add the non-talking social event, the growing suspicion that my job's been re-described into a role for a trained monkey and a fight with my psychologist who JUST WON'T LISTEN and I'm in a right old mood this morning.

[K]

I am sorry Ethel. Big hugs from me!

I am having a hell of a time of it too, to be honest. Mr. Korrigan keeps asking me what I want to do in the evening and I tell him I want to go home and cry.

[rossco]

Aug 7, 2008 16:29:36 GMT -5 @ethel said:

It wasn't *bad*, it just wasn't a successful outing from either a work point of view, or a talking-to-people point of view.

I'm sorry. I'm grumpy and over-reacting. Add the non-talking social event, the growing suspicion that my job's been re-described into a role for a trained monkey and a fight with my psychologist who JUST WON'T LISTEN and I'm in a right old mood this morning.

Nothing wrong with being Grumpy.

[rossco]

Aug 7, 2008 16:31:42 GMT -5 K said:

I am sorry Ethel. Big hugs from me!

I am having a hell of a time of it too, to be honest. Mr. Korrigan keeps asking me what I want to do in the evening and I tell him I want to go home and cry.

Hugs

[UrsusMaximus]

Aug 7, 2008 16:29:36 GMT -5 @ethel said:

my psychologist who JUST WON'T LISTEN....

That's like going to a prostitute who doesn't believe in pre-marital sex. You'd think a psychologist could at least f*ing LISTEN -- it's not as if they can do much of anything else.